The City that Built Me

i thought that when i moved away, i would slowly begin to stop missing the city i left behind. so far, that has not been the case.

i knew i’d given my heart to those mountains, an exchange that happened effortlessly. it’s almost as if a part of my soul belongs to that beautiful scene and i only discovered it being there.

it was the place that built me up and the place that held me as i fell apart. {i wish it had been the city that put me back together} often the work of building and falling was happening at once, parts of me coming together as others fell away. it was the place where i felt safe taking risks. it was the place where i was forced to come to grips with the unknown. where i realized, sitting in lectures and watching videos that my beliefs had changed and i was ok with it. where i sat in the passenger seat of a gold car, driving into the mountains. or in a small red car singing and feeling free. or a white suv having dance parties and laughing.

(it was the home to so many things and so many memories. i’m still deconstructing it all, learning the freedom to take the good and the bad. at some point i will flesh out the detox letters, my way of coming to terms with my faith and the way it has changed.)

i wouldn’t be the strong woman i am today if it wasn’t for that place. those trees. those mountains. those halls. that tunnel. that beat up hotel we called home. the downtown filled with hipsters and church steeples and endless steps.

someday when i find the person who i’m ready to commit to, i know i’ll have to take him there and show him. the city where the stories coming from. the cemetery that was the number one attraction for the city on yelp (true story). our hideaway in the woods. the coffee shop downtown. that spot in the woods just off downtown i fell in love with.

i don’t know when i’ll be back next, little town, but thank you for the gifts you gave me. you still have my heart.


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